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Natasha was sixteen and it was the year 1809, the very year
to which she had counted on her fingers with Boris after they
had kissed four years ago. Since then she had not seen him. Before
Sonya and her mother, if Boris happened to be mentioned, she spoke
quite freely of that episode as of some childish, long-forgotten
matter that was not worth mentioning. But in the secret depths
of her soul the question whether her engagement to Boris was a
jest or an important, binding promise tormented her.
Since Boris left Moscow in 1805 to join the army he had had
not seen the Rostovs. He had been in Moscow several times, and
had passed near Otradnoe, but had never been to see them.
Sometimes it occurred to Natasha that he not wish to see her,
and this conjecture was confirmed by the sad tone in which her
elders spoke of him.
"Nowadays old friends are not remembered," the countess
would say when Boris was mentioned.
Anna Mikhaylovna also had of late visited them less frequently,
seemed to hold herself with particular dignity, and always spoke
rapturously and gratefully of the merits of her son and the brilliant
career on which he had entered. When the Rostovs came to Petersburg
Boris called on them.
He drove to their house in some agitation. The memory of Natasha
was his most poetic recollection. But he went with the firm intention
of letting her and her parents feel that the childish relations
between himself and Natasha could not be binding either on her
or on him. He had a brilliant position in society thanks to his
intimacy with Countess Bezukhova, a brilliant position in the
service thanks to the patronage of an important personage whose
complete confidence he enjoyed, and he was beginning to make plans
for marrying one of the richest heiresses in Petersburg, plans
which might very easily be realized. When he entered the Rostovs'
drawing room Natasha was in her own room. When she heard of his
arrival she almost ran into the drawing room, flushed and beaming
with a more than cordial smile.
Boris remembered Natasha in a short dress, with dark eyes
shining from under her curls and boisterous, childish laughter,
as he had known her four years before; and so he was taken aback
when quite a different Natasha entered, and his face expressed
rapturous astonishment. This expression on his face pleased Natasha.
"Well, do you recognize your little madcap playmate?"
asked the countess.
Boris kissed Natasha's hand and said that he was astonished
at the change in her.
"How handsome you have grown!"
"I should think so!" replied Natasha's laughing
eyes.
"And is Papa older?" she asked.
Natasha sat down and, without joining in Boris' conversation
with the countess, silently and minutely studied her childhood's
suitor. He felt the weight of that resolute and affectionate scrutiny
and glanced at her occasionally.
Boris' uniform, spurs, tie, and the way his hair was brushed
were all comme il faut and in the latest fashion. This Natasha
noticed at once. He sat rather sideways in the armchair next to
the countess, arranging with his right hand the cleanest of gloves
that fitted his left hand like a skin, and he spoke with a particularly
refined compression of his lips about the amusements of the highest
Petersburg society, recalling with mild irony old times in Moscow
and Moscow acquaintances. It was not accidentally, Natasha felt,
that he alluded, when speaking of the highest aristocracy, to
an ambassador's ball he had attended, and to invitations he had
received from N.N. and S.S.
All this time Natasha sat silent, glancing up at him from
under her brows. This gaze disturbed and confused Boris more and
more. He looked round more frequently toward her, and broke off
in what he was saying. He did not stay more than ten minutes,
then rose and took his leave. The same inquisitive, challenging,
and rather mocking eyes still looked at him. After his first visit
Boris said to himself that Natasha attracted him just as much
as ever, but that he must not yield to that feeling, because to
marry her, a girl almost without fortune, would mean ruin to his
career, while to renew their former relations without intending
to marry her would be dishonorable. Boris made up his mind to
avoid meeting Natasha, but despite that resolution he called again
a few days later and began calling often and spending whole days
at the Rostovs'. It seemed to him that he ought to have an explanation
with Natasha and tell her that the old times must be forgotten,
that in spite of everything... she could not be his wife, that
he had no means, and they would never let her marry him. But he
failed to do so and felt awkward about entering on such an explanation.
From day to day he became more and more entangled. It seemed to
her mother and Sonya that Natasha was in love with Boris as of
old. She sang him his favorite songs, showed him her album, making
him write in it, did not allow him to allude to the past, letting
it be understood how was the present; and every day he went away
in a fog, without having said what he meant to, and not knowing
what he was doing or why he came, or how it would all end. He
left off visiting Helene and received reproachful notes from her
every day, and yet he continued to spend whole days with the Rostovs.
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