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A DISSOLUTION OF PARTNERSHIP
I did not allow my resolution, with respect to the Parliamentary
Debates, to cool. It was one of the irons I began to heat immediately,
and one of the irons I kept hot, and hammered at, with a perseverance
I may honestly admire. I bought an approved scheme of the noble
art and mystery of stenography (which cost me ten and sixpence);
and plunged into a sea of perplexity that brought me, in a few weeks,
to the confines of distraction. The changes that were rung upon
dots, which in such a position meant such a thing, and in such another
position something else, entirely different; the wonderful vagaries
that were played by circles; the unaccountable consequences that
resulted from marks like flies' legs; the tremendous effects of
a curve in a wrong place; not only troubled my waking hours, but
reappeared before me in my sleep. When I had groped my way, blindly,
through these difficulties, and had mastered the alphabet, which
was an Egyptian Temple in itself, there then appeared a procession
of new horrors, called arbitrary characters; the most despotic characters
I have ever known; who insisted, for instance, that a thing like
the beginning of a cobweb, meant expectation, and that a pen-and-ink
sky-rocket, stood for disadvantageous. When I had fixed these wretches
in my mind, I found that they had driven everything else out of
it; then, beginning again, I forgot them; while I was picking them
up, I dropped the other fragments of the system; in short, it was
almost heart-breaking.
It might have been quite heart-breaking, but for Dora, who was
the stay and anchor of my tempest-driven bark. Every scratch in
the scheme was a gnarled oak in the forest of difficulty, and I
went on cutting them down, one after another, with such vigour,
that in three or four months I was in a condition to make an experiment
on one of our crack speakers in the Commons. Shall I ever forget
how the crack speaker walked off from me before I began, and left
my imbecile pencil staggering about the paper as if it were in a
fit!
This would not do, it was quite clear. I was flying too high,
and should never get on, so. I resorted to Traddles for advice;
who suggested that he should dictate speeches to me, at a pace,
and with occasional stoppages, adapted to my weakness. Very grateful
for this friendly aid, I accepted the proposal; and night after
night, almost every night, for a long time, we had a sort of Private
Parliament in Buckingham Street, after I came home from the Doctor's.
I should like to see such a Parliament anywhere else! My aunt
and Mr. Dick represented the Government or the Opposition (as the
case might be), and Traddles, with the assistance of Enfield's Speakers,
or a volume of parliamentary orations, thundered astonishing invectives
against them. Standing by the table, with his finger in the page
to keep the place, and his right arm flourishing above his head,
Traddles, as Mr. Pitt, Mr. Fox, Mr. Sheridan, Mr. Burke, Lord Castlereagh,
Viscount Sidmouth, or Mr. Canning, would work himself into the most
violent heats, and deliver the most withering denunciations of the
profligacy and corruption of my aunt and Mr. Dick; while I used
to sit, at a little distance, with my notebook on my knee, fagging
after him with all my might and main. The inconsistency and recklessness
of Traddles were not to be exceeded by any real politician. He was
for any description of policy, in the compass of a week; and nailed
all sorts of colours to every denomination of mast. My aunt, looking
very like an immovable Chancellor of the Exchequer, would occasionally
throw in an interruption or two, as 'Hear!' or 'No!' or 'Oh!' when
the text seemed to require it: which was always a signal to Mr.
Dick (a perfect country gentleman) to follow lustily with the same
cry. But Mr. Dick got taxed with such things in the course of his
Parliamentary career, and was made responsible for such awful consequences,
that he became uncomfortable in his mind sometimes. I believe he
actually began to be afraid he really had been doing something,
tending to the annihilation of the British constitution, and the
ruin of the country.
Often and often we pursued these debates until the clock pointed
to midnight, and the candles were burning down. The result of so
much good practice was, that by and by I began to keep pace with
Traddles pretty well, and should have been quite triumphant if I
had had the least idea what my notes were about. But, as to reading
them after I had got them, I might as well have copied the Chinese
inscriptions of an immense collection of tea-chests, or the golden
characters on all the great red and green bottles in the chemists'
shops!
There was nothing for it, but to turn back and begin all over
again. It was very hard, but I turned back, though with a heavy
heart, and began laboriously and methodically to plod over the same
tedious ground at a snail's pace; stopping to examine minutely every
speck in the way, on all sides, and making the most desperate efforts
to know these elusive characters by sight wherever I met them. I
was always punctual at the office; at the Doctor's too: and I really
did work, as the common expression is, like a cart-horse. One day,
when I went to the Commons as usual, I found Mr. Spenlow in the
doorway looking extremely grave, and talking to himself. As he was
in the habit of complaining of pains in his head - he had naturally
a short throat, and I do seriously believe he over-starched himself
- I was at first alarmed by the idea that he was not quite right
in that direction; but he soon relieved my uneasiness.
Instead of returning my 'Good morning' with his usual affability,
he looked at me in a distant, ceremonious manner, and coldly requested
me to accompany him to a certain coffee-house, which, in those days,
had a door opening into the Commons, just within the little archway
in St. Paul's Churchyard. I complied, in a very uncomfortable state,
and with a warm shooting all over me, as if my apprehensions were
breaking out into buds. When I allowed him to go on a little before,
on account of the narrowness of the way, I observed that he carried
his head with a lofty air that was particularly unpromising; and
my mind misgave me that he had found out about my darling Dora.
If I had not guessed this, on the way to the coffee-house, I
could hardly have failed to know what was the matter when I followed
him into an upstairs room, and found Miss Murdstone there, supported
by a background of sideboard, on which were several inverted tumblers
sustaining lemons, and two of those extraordinary boxes, all corners
and flutings, for sticking knives and forks in, which, happily for
mankind, are now obsolete.
Miss Murdstone gave me her chilly finger-nails, and sat severely
rigid. Mr. Spenlow shut the door, motioned me to a chair, and stood
on the hearth-rug in front of the fireplace.
'Have the goodness to show Mr. Copperfield,' said Mr. Spenlow,
what you have in your reticule, Miss Murdstone.'
I believe it was the old identical steel-clasped reticule of
my childhood, that shut up like a bite. Compressing her lips, in
sympathy with the snap, Miss Murdstone opened it - opening her mouth
a little at the same time - and produced my last letter to Dora,
teeming with expressions of devoted affection.
'I believe that is your writing, Mr. Copperfield?' said Mr. Spenlow.
I was very hot, and the voice I heard was very unlike mine, when
I said, 'It is, sir!'
'If I am not mistaken,' said Mr. Spenlow, as Miss Murdstone brought
a parcel of letters out of her reticule, tied round with the dearest
bit of blue ribbon, 'those are also from your pen, Mr. Copperfield?'
I took them from her with a most desolate sensation; and, glancing
at such phrases at the top, as 'My ever dearest and own Dora,' 'My
best beloved angel,' 'My blessed one for ever,' and the like, blushed
deeply, and inclined my head.
'No, thank you!' said Mr. Spenlow, coldly, as I mechanically
offered them back to him. 'I will not deprive you of them. Miss
Murdstone, be so good as to proceed!'
That gentle creature, after a moment's thoughtful survey of the
carpet, delivered herself with much dry unction as follows.
'I must confess to having entertained my suspicions of Miss Spenlow,
in reference to David Copperfield, for some time. I observed Miss
Spenlow and David Copperfield, when they first met; and the impression
made upon me then was not agreeable. The depravity of the human
heart is such -'
'You will oblige me, ma'am,' interrupted Mr. Spenlow, 'by confining
yourself to facts.'
Miss Murdstone cast down her eyes, shook her head as if protesting
against this unseemly interruption, and with frowning dignity resumed:
'Since I am to confine myself to facts, I will state them as
dryly as I can. Perhaps that will be considered an acceptable course
of proceeding. I have already said, sir, that I have had my suspicions
of Miss Spenlow, in reference to David Copperfield, for some time.
I have frequently endeavoured to find decisive corroboration of
those suspicions, but without effect. I have therefore forborne
to mention them to Miss Spenlow's father'; looking severely at him-
'knowing how little disposition there usually is in such cases,
to acknowledge the conscientious discharge of duty.'
Mr. Spenlow seemed quite cowed by the gentlemanly sternness of
Miss Murdstone's manner, and deprecated her severity with a conciliatory
little wave of his hand.
'On my return to Norwood, after the period of absence occasioned
by my brother's marriage,' pursued Miss Murdstone in a disdainful
voice, 'and on the return of Miss Spenlow from her visit to her
friend Miss Mills, I imagined that the manner of Miss Spenlow gave
me greater occasion for suspicion than before. Therefore I watched
Miss Spenlow closely.'
Dear, tender little Dora, so unconscious of this Dragon's eye!
'Still,' resumed Miss Murdstone, 'I found no proof until last
night. It appeared to me that Miss Spenlow received too many letters
from her friend Miss Mills; but Miss Mills being her friend with
her father's full concurrence,' another telling blow at Mr. Spenlow,
'it was not for me to interfere. If I may not be permitted to allude
to the natural depravity of the human heart, at least I may - I
must - be permitted, so far to refer to misplaced confidence.'
Mr. Spenlow apologetically murmured his assent.
'Last evening after tea,' pursued Miss Murdstone, 'I observed
the little dog starting, rolling, and growling about the drawing-room,
worrying something. I said to Miss Spenlow, "Dora, what is
that the dog has in his mouth? It's paper." Miss Spenlow immediately
put her hand to her frock, gave a sudden cry, and ran to the dog.
I interposed, and said, "Dora, my love, you must permit me."
'
Oh Jip, miserable Spaniel, this wretchedness, then, was your
work!
'Miss Spenlow endeavoured,' said Miss Murdstone, 'to bribe me
with kisses, work-boxes, and small articles of jewellery - that,
of course, I pass over. The little dog retreated under the sofa
on my approaching him, and was with great difficulty dislodged by
the fire-irons. Even when dislodged, he still kept the letter in
his mouth; and on my endeavouring to take it from him, at the imminent
risk of being bitten, he kept it between his teeth so pertinaciously
as to suffer himself to be held suspended in the air by means of
the document. At length I obtained possession of it. After perusing
it, I taxed Miss Spenlow with having many such letters in her possession;
and ultimately obtained from her the packet which is now in David
Copperfield's hand.'
Here she ceased; and snapping her reticule again, and shutting
her mouth, looked as if she might be broken, but could never be
bent.
'You have heard Miss Murdstone,' said Mr. Spenlow, turning to
me. 'I beg to ask, Mr. Copperfield, if you have anything to say
in reply?'
The picture I had before me, of the beautiful little treasure
of my heart, sobbing and crying all night - of her being alone,
frightened, and wretched, then - of her having so piteously begged
and prayed that stony-hearted woman to forgive her - of her having
vainly offered her those kisses, work-boxes, and trinkets - of her
being in such grievous distress, and all for me - very much impaired
the little dignity I had been able to muster. I am afraid I was
in a tremulous state for a minute or so, though I did my best to
disguise it.
'There is nothing I can say, sir,' I returned, 'except that all
the blame is mine. Dora -'
'Miss Spenlow, if you please,' said her father, majestically.
'- was induced and persuaded by me,' I went on, swallowing that
colder designation, 'to consent to this concealment, and I bitterly
regret it.'
'You are very much to blame, sir,' said Mr. Spenlow, walking
to and fro upon the hearth-rug, and emphasizing what he said with
his whole body instead of his head, on account of the stiffness
of his cravat and spine. 'You have done a stealthy and unbecoming
action, Mr. Copperfield. When I take a gentleman to my house, no
matter whether he is nineteen, twenty-nine, or ninety, I take him
there in a spirit of confidence. If he abuses my confidence, he
commits a dishonourable action, Mr. Copperfield.'
'I feel it, sir, I assure you,' I returned. 'But I never thought
so, before. Sincerely, honestly, indeed, Mr. Spenlow, I never thought
so, before. I love Miss Spenlow to that extent -'
'Pooh! nonsense!' said Mr. Spenlow, reddening. 'Pray don't tell
me to my face that you love my daughter, Mr. Copperfield!'
'Could I defend my conduct if I did not, sir?' I returned, with
all humility.
'Can you defend your conduct if you do, sir?' said Mr. Spenlow,
stopping short upon the hearth-rug. 'Have you considered your years,
and my daughter's years, Mr. Copperfield? Have you considered what
it is to undermine the confidence that should subsist between my
daughter and myself? Have you considered my daughter's station in
life, the projects I may contemplate for her advancement, the testamentary
intentions I may have with reference to her? Have you considered
anything, Mr. Copperfield?'
'Very little, sir, I am afraid;' I answered, speaking to him
as respectfully and sorrowfully as I felt; 'but pray believe me,
I have considered my own worldly position. When I explained it to
you, we were already engaged -'
'I BEG,' said Mr. Spenlow, more like Punch than I had ever seen
him, as he energetically struck one hand upon the other - I could
not help noticing that even in my despair; 'that YOU Will NOT talk
to me of engagements, Mr. Copperfield!'
The otherwise immovable Miss Murdstone laughed contemptuously
in one short syllable.
'When I explained my altered position to you, sir,' I began again,
substituting a new form of expression for what was so unpalatable
to him, 'this concealment, into which I am so unhappy as to have
led Miss Spenlow, had begun. Since I have been in that altered position,
I have strained every nerve, I have exerted every energy, to improve
it. I am sure I shall improve it in time. Will you grant me time
- any length of time? We are both so young, sir, -'
'You are right,' interrupted Mr. Spenlow, nodding his head a
great many times, and frowning very much, 'you are both very young.
It's all nonsense. Let there be an end of the nonsense. Take away
those letters, and throw them in the fire. Give me Miss Spenlow's
letters to throw in the fire; and although our future intercourse
must, you are aware, be restricted to the Commons here, we will
agree to make no further mention of the past. Come, Mr. Copperfield,
you don't want sense; and this is the sensible course.'
No. I couldn't think of agreeing to it. I was very sorry, but
there was a higher consideration than sense. Love was above all
earthly considerations, and I loved Dora to idolatry, and Dora loved
me. I didn't exactly say so; I softened it down as much as I could;
but I implied it, and I was resolute upon it. I don't think I made
myself very ridiculous, but I know I was resolute.
'Very well, Mr. Copperfield,' said Mr. Spenlow, 'I must try my
influence with my daughter.'
Miss Murdstone, by an expressive sound, a long drawn respiration,
which was neither a sigh nor a moan, but was like both, gave it
as her opinion that he should have done this at first.
'I must try,' said Mr. Spenlow, confirmed by this support, 'my
influence with my daughter. Do you decline to take those letters,
Mr. Copperfield?' For I had laid them on the table.
Yes. I told him I hoped he would not think it wrong, but I couldn't
possibly take them from Miss Murdstone.
'Nor from me?' said Mr. Spenlow.
No, I replied with the profoundest respect; nor from him.
'Very well!' said Mr. Spenlow.
A silence succeeding, I was undecided whether to go or stay.
At length I was moving quietly towards the door, with the intention
of saying that perhaps I should consult his feelings best by withdrawing:
when he said, with his hands in his coat pockets, into which it
was as much as he could do to get them; and with what I should call,
upon the whole, a decidedly pious air:
'You are probably aware, Mr. Copperfield, that I am not altogether
destitute of worldly possessions, and that my daughter is my nearest
and dearest relative?'
I hurriedly made him a reply to the effect, that I hoped the
error into which I had been betrayed by the desperate nature of
my love, did not induce him to think me mercenary too?
'I don't allude to the matter in that light,' said Mr. Spenlow.
'It would be better for yourself, and all of us, if you WERE mercenary,
Mr. Copperfield - I mean, if you were more discreet and less influenced
by all this youthful nonsense. No. I merely say, with quite another
view, you are probably aware I have some property to bequeath to
my child?'
I certainly supposed so.
'And you can hardly think,' said Mr. Spenlow, 'having experience
of what we see, in the Commons here, every day, of the various unaccountable
and negligent proceedings of men, in respect of their testamentary
arrangements - of all subjects, the one on which perhaps the strangest
revelations of human inconsistency are to be met with - but that
mine are made?'
I inclined my head in acquiescence.
'I should not allow,' said Mr. Spenlow, with an evident increase
of pious sentiment, and slowly shaking his head as he poised himself
upon his toes and heels alternately, 'my suitable provision for
my child to be influenced by a piece of youthful folly like the
present. It is mere folly. Mere nonsense. In a little while, it
will weigh lighter than any feather. But I might - I might - if
this silly business were not completely relinquished altogether,
be induced in some anxious moment to guard her from, and surround
her with protections against, the consequences of any foolish step
in the way of marriage. Now, Mr. Copperfield, I hope that you will
not render it necessary for me to open, even for a quarter of an
hour, that closed page in the book of life, and unsettle, even for
a quarter of an hour, grave affairs long since composed.'
There was a serenity, a tranquillity, a calm sunset air about
him, which quite affected me. He was so peaceful and resigned -
clearly had his affairs in such perfect train, and so systematically
wound up - that he was a man to feel touched in the contemplation
of. I really think I saw tears rise to his eyes, from the depth
of his own feeling of all this.
But what could I do? I could not deny Dora and my own heart.
When he told me I had better take a week to consider of what he
had said, how could I say I wouldn't take a week, yet how could
I fail to know that no amount of weeks could influence such love
as mine?
'In the meantime, confer with Miss Trotwood, or with any person
with any knowledge of life,' said Mr. Spenlow, adjusting his cravat
with both hands. 'Take a week, Mr. Copperfield.'
I submitted; and, with a countenance as expressive as I was able
to make it of dejected and despairing constancy, came out of the
room. Miss Murdstone's heavy eyebrows followed me to the door -
I say her eyebrows rather than her eyes, because they were much
more important in her face - and she looked so exactly as she used
to look, at about that hour of the morning, in our parlour at Blunderstone,
that I could have fancied I had been breaking down in my lessons
again, and that the dead weight on my mind was that horrible old
spelling-book, with oval woodcuts, shaped, to my youthful fancy,
like the glasses out of spectacles.
When I got to the office, and, shutting out old Tiffey and the
rest of them with my hands, sat at my desk, in my own particular
nook, thinking of this earthquake that had taken place so unexpectedly,
and in the bitterness of my spirit cursing Jip, I fell into such
a state of torment about Dora, that I wonder I did not take up my
hat and rush insanely to Norwood. The idea of their frightening
her, and making her cry, and of my not being there to comfort her,
was so excruciating, that it impelled me to write a wild letter
to Mr. Spenlow, beseeching him not to visit upon her the consequences
of my awful destiny. I implored him to spare her gentle nature -
not to crush a fragile flower - and addressed him generally, to
the best of my remembrance, as if, instead of being her father,
he had been an Ogre, or the Dragon of Wantley.3 This letter I sealed
and laid upon his desk before he returned; and when he came in,
I saw him, through the half-opened door of his room, take it up
and read it.
He said nothing about it all the morning; but before he went
away in the afternoon he called me in, and told me that I need not
make myself at all uneasy about his daughter's happiness. He had
assured her, he said, that it was all nonsense; and he had nothing
more to say to her. He believed he was an indulgent father (as indeed
he was), and I might spare myself any solicitude on her account.
'You may make it necessary, if you are foolish or obstinate,
Mr. Copperfield,' he observed, 'for me to send my daughter abroad
again, for a term; but I have a better opinion of you. I hope you
will be wiser than that, in a few days. As to Miss Murdstone,' for
I had alluded to her in the letter, 'I respect that lady's vigilance,
and feel obliged to her; but she has strict charge to avoid the
subject. All I desire, Mr. Copperfield, is, that it should be forgotten.
All you have got to do, Mr. Copperfield, is to forget it.'
All! In the note I wrote to Miss Mills, I bitterly quoted this
sentiment. All I had to do, I said, with gloomy sarcasm, was to
forget Dora. That was all, and what was that! I entreated Miss Mills
to see me, that evening. If it could not be done with Mr. Mills's
sanction and concurrence, I besought a clandestine interview in
the back kitchen where the Mangle was. I informed her that my reason
was tottering on its throne, and only she, Miss Mills, could prevent
its being deposed. I signed myself, hers distractedly; and I couldn't
help feeling, while I read this composition over, before sending
it by a porter, that it was something in the style of Mr. Micawber.
However, I sent it. At night I repaired to Miss Mills's street,
and walked up and down, until I was stealthily fetched in by Miss
Mills's maid, and taken the area way to the back kitchen. I have
since seen reason to believe that there was nothing on earth to
prevent my going in at the front door, and being shown up into the
drawing-room, except Miss Mills's love of the romantic and mysterious.
In the back kitchen, I raved as became me. I went there, I suppose,
to make a fool of myself, and I am quite sure I did it. Miss Mills
had received a hasty note from Dora, telling her that all was discovered,
and saying. 'Oh pray come to me, Julia, do, do!' But Miss Mills,
mistrusting the acceptability of her presence to the higher powers,
had not yet gone; and we were all benighted in the Desert of Sahara.
Miss Mills had a wonderful flow of words, and liked to pour them
out. I could not help feeling, though she mingled her tears with
mine, that she had a dreadful luxury in our afflictions. She petted
them, as I may say, and made the most of them. A deep gulf, she
observed, had opened between Dora and me, and Love could only span
it with its rainbow. Love must suffer in this stern world; it ever
had been so, it ever would be so. No matter, Miss Mills remarked.
Hearts confined by cobwebs would burst at last, and then Love was
avenged.
This was small consolation, but Miss Mills wouldn't encourage
fallacious hopes. She made me much more wretched than I was before,
and I felt (and told her with the deepest gratitude) that she was
indeed a friend. We resolved that she should go to Dora the first
thing in the morning, and find some means of assuring her, either
by looks or words, of my devotion and misery. We parted, overwhelmed
with grief; and I think Miss Mills enjoyed herself completely.
I confided all to my aunt when I got home; and in spite of all
she could say to me, went to bed despairing. I got up despairing,
and went out despairing. It was Saturday morning, and I went straight
to the Commons.
I was surprised, when I came within sight of our office-door,
to see the ticket-porters standing outside talking together, and
some half-dozen stragglers gazing at the windows which were shut
up. I quickened my pace, and, passing among them, wondering at their
looks, went hurriedly in.
The clerks were there, but nobody was doing anything. Old Tiffey,
for the first time in his life I should think, was sitting on somebody
else's stool, and had not hung up his hat.
'This is a dreadful calamity, Mr. Copperfield,' said he, as I
entered.
'What is?' I exclaimed. 'What's the matter?'
'Don't you know?' cried Tiffey, and all the rest of them, coming
round me.
'No!' said I, looking from face to face.
'Mr. Spenlow,' said Tiffey.
'What about him!'
'Dead!' I thought it was the office reeling, and not I, as one
of the clerks caught hold of me. They sat me down in a chair, untied
my neck-cloth, and brought me some water. I have no idea whether
this took any time.
'Dead?' said I.
'He dined in town yesterday, and drove down in the phaeton by
himself,' said Tiffey, 'having sent his own groom home by the coach,
as he sometimes did, you know -'
'Well?'
'The phaeton went home without him. The horses stopped at the
stable-gate. The man went out with a lantern. Nobody in the carriage.'
'Had they run away?'
'They were not hot,' said Tiffey, putting on his glasses; 'no
hotter, I understand, than they would have been, going down at the
usual pace. The reins were broken, but they had been dragging on
the ground. The house was roused up directly, and three of them
went out along the road. They found him a mile off.'
'More than a mile off, Mr. Tiffey,' interposed a junior.
'Was it? I believe you are right,' said Tiffey, - 'more than
a mile off - not far from the church - lying partly on the roadside,
and partly on the path, upon his face. Whether he fell out in a
fit, or got out, feeling ill before the fit came on - or even whether
he was quite dead then, though there is no doubt he was quite insensible
- no one appears to know. If he breathed, certainly he never spoke.
Medical assistance was got as soon as possible, but it was quite
useless.'
I cannot describe the state of mind into which I was thrown by
this intelligence. The shock of such an event happening so suddenly,
and happening to one with whom I had been in any respect at variance
- the appalling vacancy in the room he had occupied so lately, where
his chair and table seemed to wait for him, and his handwriting
of yesterday was like a ghost - the in- definable impossibility
of separating him from the place, and feeling, when the door opened,
as if he might come in - the lazy hush and rest there was in the
office, and the insatiable relish with which our people talked about
it, and other people came in and out all day, and gorged themselves
with the subject - this is easily intelligible to anyone. What I
cannot describe is, how, in the innermost recesses of my own heart,
I had a lurking jealousy even of Death. How I felt as if its might
would push me from my ground in Dora's thoughts. How I was, in a
grudging way I have no words for, envious of her grief. How it made
me restless to think of her weeping to others, or being consoled
by others. How I had a grasping, avaricious wish to shut out everybody
from her but myself, and to be all in all to her, at that unseasonable
time of all times.
In the trouble of this state of mind - not exclusively my own,
I hope, but known to others - I went down to Norwood that night;
and finding from one of the servants, when I made my inquiries at
the door, that Miss Mills was there, got my aunt to direct a letter
to her, which I wrote. I deplored the untimely death of Mr. Spenlow,
most sincerely, and shed tears in doing so. I entreated her to tell
Dora, if Dora were in a state to hear it, that he had spoken to
me with the utmost kindness and consideration; and had coupled nothing
but tenderness, not a single or reproachful word, with her name.
I know I did this selfishly, to have my name brought before her;
but I tried to believe it was an act of justice to his memory. Perhaps
I did believe it.
My aunt received a few lines next day in reply; addressed, outside,
to her; within, to me. Dora was overcome by grief; and when her
friend had asked her should she send her love to me, had only cried,
as she was always crying, 'Oh, dear papa! oh, poor papa!' But she
had not said No, and that I made the most of.
Mr. jorkins, who had been at Norwood since the occurrence, came
to the office a few days afterwards. He and Tiffey were closeted
together for some few moments, and then Tiffey looked out at the
door and beckoned me in.
'Oh!' said Mr. jorkins. 'Mr. Tiffey and myself, Mr. Copperfield,
are about to examine the desks, the drawers, and other such repositories
of the deceased, with the view of sealing up his private papers,
and searching for a Will. There is no trace of any, elsewhere. It
may be as well for you to assist us, if you please.'
I had been in agony to obtain some knowledge of the circumstances
in which my Dora would be placed - as, in whose guardianship, and
so forth - and this was something towards it. We began the search
at once; Mr. jorkins unlocking the drawers and desks, and we all
taking out the papers. The office-papers we placed on one side,
and the private papers (which were not numerous) on the other. We
were very grave; and when we came to a stray seal, or pencil-case,
or ring, or any little article of that kind which we associated
personally with him, we spoke very low.
We had sealed up several packets; and were still going on dustily
and quietly, when Mr. jorkins said to us, applying exactly the same
words to his late partner as his late partner had applied to him:
'Mr. Spenlow was very difficult to move from the beaten track.
You know what he was! I am disposed to think he had made no will.'
'Oh, I know he had!' said I.
They both stopped and looked at me. 'On the very day when I last
saw him,' said I, 'he told me that he had, and that his affairs
were long since settled.'
Mr. jorkins and old Tiffey shook their heads with one accord.
'That looks unpromising,' said Tiffey.
'Very unpromising,' said Mr. jorkins.
'Surely you don't doubt -' I began.
'My good Mr. Copperfield!' said Tiffey, laying his hand upon
my arm, and shutting up both his eyes as he shook his head: 'if
you had been in the Commons as long as I have, you would know that
there is no subject on which men are so inconsistent, and so little
to be trusted.'
'Why, bless my soul, he made that very remark!' I replied persistently.
'I should call that almost final,' observed Tiffey. 'My opinion
is - no will.'
It appeared a wonderful thing to me, but it turned out that there
was no will. He had never so much as thought of making one, so far
as his papers afforded any evidence; for there was no kind of hint,
sketch, or memorandum, of any testamentary intention whatever. What
was scarcely less astonishing to me, was, that his affairs were
in a most disordered state. It was extremely difficult, I heard,
to make out what he owed, or what he had paid, or of what he died
possessed. It was considered likely that for years he could have
had no clear opinion on these subjects himself. By little and little
it came out, that, in the competition on all points of appearance
and gentility then running high in the Commons, he had spent more
than his professional income, which was not a very large one, and
had reduced his private means, if they ever had been great (which
was exceedingly doubtful), to a very low ebb indeed. There was a
sale of the furniture and lease, at Norwood; and Tiffey told me,
little thinking how interested I was in the story, that, paying
all the just debts of the deceased, and deducting his share of outstanding
bad and doubtful debts due to the firm, he wouldn't give a thousand
pounds for all the assets remaining.
This was at the expiration of about six weeks. I had suffered
tortures all the time; and thought I really must have laid violent
hands upon myself, when Miss Mills still reported to me, that my
broken-hearted little Dora would say nothing, when I was mentioned,
but 'Oh, poor papa! Oh, dear papa!' Also, that she had no other
relations than two aunts, maiden sisters of Mr. Spenlow, who lived
at Putney, and who had not held any other than chance communication
with their brother for many years. Not that they had ever quarrelled
(Miss Mills informed me); but that having been, on the occasion
of Dora's christening, invited to tea, when they considered themselves
privileged to be invited to dinner, they had expressed their opinion
in writing, that it was 'better for the happiness of all parties'
that they should stay away. Since which they had gone their road,
and their brother had gone his.
These two ladies now emerged from their retirement, and proposed
to take Dora to live at Putney. Dora, clinging to them both, and
weeping, exclaimed, 'O yes, aunts! Please take Julia Mills and me
and Jip to Putney!' So they went, very soon after the funeral.
How I found time to haunt Putney, I am sure I don't know; but
I contrived, by some means or other, to prowl about the neighbourhood
pretty often. Miss Mills, for the more exact discharge of the duties
of friendship, kept a journal; and she used to meet me sometimes,
on the Common, and read it, or (if she had not time to do that)
lend it to me. How I treasured up the entries, of which I subjoin
a sample! -
'Monday. My sweet D. still much depressed. Headache. Called attention
to J. as being beautifully sleek. D. fondled J. Associations thus
awakened, opened floodgates of sorrow. Rush of grief admitted. (Are
tears the dewdrops of the heart? J. M.)
'Tuesday. D. weak and nervous. Beautiful in pallor. (Do we not
remark this in moon likewise? J. M.) D., J. M. and J. took airing
in carriage. J. looking out of window, and barking violently at
dustman, occasioned smile to overspread features of D. (Of such
slight links is chain of life composed! J. M.)
'Wednesday. D. comparatively cheerful. Sang to her, as congenial
melody, "Evening Bells". Effect not soothing, but reverse.
D. inexpressibly affected. Found sobbing afterwards, in own room.
Quoted verses respecting self and young Gazelle. Ineffectually.
Also referred to Patience on Monument. (Qy. Why on monument? J.
M.)
'Thursday. D. certainly improved. Better night. Slight tinge
of damask revisiting cheek. Resolved to mention name of D. C. Introduced
same, cautiously, in course of airing. D. immediately overcome.
"Oh, dear, dear Julia! Oh, I have been a naughty and undutiful
child!" Soothed and caressed. Drew ideal picture of D. C. on
verge of tomb. D. again overcome. "Oh, what shall I do, what
shall I do? Oh, take me somewhere!" Much alarmed. Fainting
of D. and glass of water from public-house. (Poetical affinity.
Chequered sign on door-post; chequered human life. Alas! J. M.)
'Friday. Day of incident. Man appears in kitchen, with blue bag,
"for lady's boots left out to heel". Cook replies, "No
such orders." Man argues point. Cook withdraws to inquire,
leaving man alone with J. On Cook's return, man still argues point,
but ultimately goes. J. missing. D. distracted. Information sent
to police. Man to be identified by broad nose, and legs like balustrades
of bridge. Search made in every direction. No J. D. weeping bitterly,
and inconsolable. Renewed reference to young Gazelle. Appropriate,
but unavailing. Towards evening, strange boy calls. Brought into
parlour. Broad nose, but no balustrades. Says he wants a pound,
and knows a dog. Declines to explain further, though much pressed.
Pound being produced by D. takes Cook to little house, where J.
alone tied up to leg of table. joy of D. who dances round J. while
he eats his supper. Emboldened by this happy change, mention D.
C. upstairs. D. weeps afresh, cries piteously, "Oh, don't,
don't, don't! It is so wicked to think of anything but poor papa!"
- embraces J. and sobs herself to sleep. (Must not D. C. confine
himself to the broad pinions of Time? J. M.)'
Miss Mills and her journal were my sole consolation at this period.
To see her, who had seen Dora but a little while before - to trace
the initial letter of Dora's name through her sympathetic pages
- to be made more and more miserable by her - were my only comforts.
I felt as if I had been living in a palace of cards, which had tumbled
down, leaving only Miss Mills and me among the ruins; I felt as
if some grim enchanter had drawn a magic circle round the innocent
goddess of my heart, which nothing indeed but those same strong
pinions, capable of carrying so many people over so much, would
enable me to enter!
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