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In the evening Andrew and Pierre got into the open carriage
and drove to Bald Hills. Prince Andrew, glancing at Pierre, broke
the silence now and then with remarks which showed that he was
in a good temper.
Pointing to the fields, he spoke of the improvements he was
making in his husbandry.
Pierre remained gloomily silent, answering in monosyllables
and apparently immersed in his own thoughts.
He was thinking that Prince Andrew was unhappy, had gone astray,
did not see the true light, and that he, Pierre, ought to aid,
enlighten, and raise him. But as soon as he thought of what he
should say, he felt that Prince Andrew with one word, one argument,
would upset all his teaching, and he shrank from beginning, afraid
of exposing to possible ridicule what to him was precious and
sacred.
"No, but why do you think so?" Pierre suddenly began,
lowering his head and looking like a bull about to charge, "why
do you think so? You should not think so."
"Think? What about?" asked Prince Andrew with surprise.
"About life, about man's destiny. It can't be so. I myself
thought like that, and do you know what saved me? Freemasonry!
No, don't smile. Freemasonry is not a religious ceremonial sect,
as I thought it was: Freemasonry is the best expression of the
best, the eternal, aspects of humanity."
And he began to explain Freemasonry as he understood it to
Prince Andrew. He said that Freemasonry is the teaching of Christianity
freed from the bonds of State and Church, a teaching of equality,
brotherhood, and love.
"Only our holy brotherhood has the real meaning of life,
all the rest is a dream," said Pierre. "Understand,
my dear fellow, that outside this union all is filled with deceit
and falsehood and I agree with you that nothing is left for an
intelligent and good man but to live out his life, like you, merely
trying not to harm others. But make our fundamental convictions
your own, join our brotherhood, give yourself up to us, let yourself
be guided, and you will at once feel yourself, as I have felt
myself, a part of that vast invisible chain the beginning of which
is hidden in heaven," said Pierre.
Prince Andrew, looking straight in front of him, listened
in silence to Pierre's words. More than once, when the noise of
the wheels prevented his catching what Pierre said, he asked him
to repeat it, and by the peculiar glow that came into Prince Andrew's
eyes and by his silence, Pierre saw that his words were not in
vain and that Prince Andrew would not interrupt him or laugh at
what he said.
They reached a river that had overflowed its banks and which
they had to cross by ferry. While the carriage and horses were
being placed on it, they also stepped on the raft.
Prince Andrew, leaning his arms on the raft railing, gazed
silently at the flooding waters glittering in the setting sun.
"Well, what do you think about it?" Pierre asked.
"Why are you silent?"
"What do I think about it? I am listening to you. It's
all very well.... You say: join our brotherhood and we will show
you the aim of life, the destiny of man, and the laws which govern
the world. But who are we? Men. How is it you know everything?
Why do I alone not see what you see? You see a reign of goodness
and truth on earth, but I don't see it."
Pierre interrupted him.
"Do you believe in a future life?" he asked.
"A future life?" Prince Andrew repeated, but Pierre,
giving him no time to reply, took the repetition for a denial,
the more readily as he knew Prince Andrew's former atheistic convictions.
"You say you can't see a reign of goodness and truth
on earth. Nor could I, and it cannot be seen if one looks on our
life here as the end of everything. On earth, here on this earth"
(Pierre pointed to the fields), "there is no truth, all is
false and evil; but in the universe, in the whole universe there
is a kingdom of truth, and we who are now the children of earth
are- eternally- children of the whole universe. Don't I feel in
my soul that I am part of this vast harmonious whole? Don't I
feel that I form one link, one step, between the lower and higher
beings, in this vast harmonious multitude of beings in whom the
Deity- the Supreme Power if you prefer the term- is manifest?
If I see, clearly see, that ladder leading from plant to man,
why should I suppose it breaks off at me and does not go farther
and farther? I feel that I cannot vanish, since nothing vanishes
in this world, but that I shall always exist and always have existed.
I feel that beyond me and above me there are spirits, and that
in this world there is truth."
"Yes, that is Herder's theory," said Prince Andrew,
"but it is not that which can convince me, dear friend- life
and death are what convince. What convinces is when one sees a
being dear to one, bound up with one's own life, before whom one
was to blame and had hoped to make it right" (Prince Andrew's
voice trembled and he turned away), "and suddenly that being
is seized with pain, suffers, and ceases to exist.... Why? It
cannot be that there is no answer. And I believe there is....
That's what convinces, that is what has convinced me," said
Prince Andrew.
"Yes, yes, of course," said Pierre, "isn't
that what I'm saying?"
"No. All I say is that it is not argument that convinces
me of the necessity of a future life, but this: when you go hand
in hand with someone and all at once that person vanishes there,
into nowhere, and you yourself are left facing that abyss, and
look in. And I have looked in...."
"Well, that's it then! You know that there is a there
and there is a Someone? There is the future life. The Someone
is- God."
Prince Andrew did not reply. The carriage and horses had long
since been taken off, onto the farther bank, and reharnessed.
The sun had sunk half below the horizon and an evening frost was
starring the puddles near the ferry, but Pierre and Andrew, to
the astonishment of the footmen, coachmen, and ferrymen, still
stood on the raft and talked.
"If there is a God and future life, there is truth and
good, and man's highest happiness consists in striving to attain
them. We must live, we must love, and we must believe that we
live not only today on this scrap of earth, but have lived and
shall live forever, there, in the Whole," said Pierre, and
he pointed to the sky.
Prince Andrew stood leaning on the railing of the raft listening
to Pierre, and he gazed with his eyes fixed on the red reflection
of the sun gleaming on the blue waters. There was perfect stillness.
Pierre became silent. The raft had long since stopped and only
the waves of the current beat softly against it below. Prince
Andrew felt as if the sound of the waves kept up a refrain to
Pierre's words, whispering:
"It is true, believe it."
He sighed, and glanced with a radiant, childlike, tender look
at Pierre's face, flushed and rapturous, but yet shy before his
superior friend.
"Yes, if it only were so!" said Prince Andrew. "However,
it is time to get on," he added, and, stepping off the raft,
he looked up at the sky to which Pierre had pointed, and for the
first time since Austerlitz saw that high, everlasting sky he
had seen while lying on that battlefield; and something that had
long been slumbering, something that was best within him, suddenly
awoke, joyful and youthful, in his soul. It vanished as soon as
he returned to the customary conditions of his life, but he knew
that this feeling which he did not know how to develop existed
within him. His meeting with Pierre formed an epoch in Prince
Andrew's life. Though outwardly he continued to live in the same
old way, inwardly he began a new life.
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