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Emma
by Jane Austen
VOLUME III
CHAPTER IV
A very few days had passed after this adventure, when Harriet came
one morning to Emma with a small parcel in her hand, and after sitting
down and hesitating, thus began:
"Miss Woodhouse--if you are at leisure--I have something that
I should like to tell you--a sort of confession to make--and then,
you know, it will be over."
Emma was a good deal surprized; but begged her to speak. There
was a seriousness in Harriet's manner which prepared her, quite
as much as her words, for something more than ordinary.
"It is my duty, and I am sure it is my wish," she continued,
"to have no reserves with you on this subject. As I am happily
quite an altered creature in one respect, it is very fit that you
should have the satisfaction of knowing it. I do not want to say
more than is necessary--I am too much ashamed of having given way
as I have done, and I dare say you understand me."
"Yes," said Emma, "I hope I do."
"How I could so long a time be fancying myself! . . ."
cried Harriet, warmly. "It seems like madness! I can see nothing
at all extraordinary in him now.--I do not care whether I meet him
or not--except that of the two I had rather not see him-- and indeed
I would go any distance round to avoid him--but I do not envy his
wife in the least; I neither admire her nor envy her, as I have
done: she is very charming, I dare say, and all that, but I think
her very ill-tempered and disagreeable--I shall never forget her
look the other night!--However, I assure you, Miss Woodhouse, I
wish her no evil.--No, let them be ever so happy together, it will
not give me another moment's pang: and to convince you that I have
been speaking truth, I am now going to destroy--what I ought to
have destroyed long ago--what I ought never to have kept-- I know
that very well (blushing as she spoke).--However, now I will destroy
it all--and it is my particular wish to do it in your presence,
that you may see how rational I am grown. Cannot you guess what
this parcel holds?" said she, with a conscious look.
"Not the least in the world.--Did he ever give you any thing?"
"No--I cannot call them gifts; but they are things that I
have valued very much."
She held the parcel towards her, and Emma read the words Most precious
treasures on the top. Her curiosity was greatly excited. Harriet
unfolded the parcel, and she looked on with impatience. Within abundance
of silver paper was a pretty little Tunbridge-ware box, which Harriet
opened: it was well lined with the softest cotton; but, excepting
the cotton, Emma saw only a small piece of court-plaister.
"Now," said Harriet, "you must recollect."
"No, indeed I do not."
"Dear me! I should not have thought it possible you could
forget what passed in this very room about court-plaister, one of
the very last times we ever met in it!--It was but a very few days
before I had my sore throat--just before Mr. and Mrs. John Knightley
came-- I think the very evening.--Do not you remember his cutting
his finger with your new penknife, and your recommending court-plaister?--
But, as you had none about you, and knew I had, you desired me to
supply him; and so I took mine out and cut him a piece; but it was
a great deal too large, and he cut it smaller, and kept playing
some time with what was left, before he gave it back to me. And
so then, in my nonsense, I could not help making a treasure of it--
so I put it by never to be used, and looked at it now and then as
a great treat."
"My dearest Harriet!" cried Emma, putting her hand before
her face, and jumping up, "you make me more ashamed of myself
than I can bear. Remember it? Aye, I remember it all now; all, except
your saving this relic--I knew nothing of that till this moment--but
the cutting the finger, and my recommending court-plaister, and
saying I had none about me!--Oh! my sins, my sins!--And I had plenty
all the while in my pocket!--One of my senseless tricks!--I deserve
to be under a continual blush all the rest of my life.--Well--(sitting
down again)--go on--what else?"
"And had you really some at hand yourself? I am sure I never
suspected it, you did it so naturally."
"And so you actually put this piece of court-plaister by for
his sake!" said Emma, recovering from her state of shame and
feeling divided between wonder and amusement. And secretly she added
to herself, "Lord bless me! when should I ever have thought
of putting by in cotton a piece of court-plaister that Frank Churchill
had been pulling about! I never was equal to this."
"Here," resumed Harriet, turning to her box again, "here
is something still more valuable, I mean that has been more valuable,
because this is what did really once belong to him, which the court-plaister
never did."
Emma was quite eager to see this superior treasure. It was the
end of an old pencil,--the part without any lead.
"This was really his," said Harriet.--"Do not you
remember one morning?--no, I dare say you do not. But one morning--I
forget exactly the day--but perhaps it was the Tuesday or Wednesday
before that evening, he wanted to make a memorandum in his pocket-book;
it was about spruce-beer. Mr. Knightley had been telling him something
about brewing spruce-beer, and he wanted to put it down; but when
he took out his pencil, there was so little lead that he soon cut
it all away, and it would not do, so you lent him another, and this
was left upon the table as good for nothing. But I kept my eye on
it; and, as soon as I dared, caught it up, and never parted with
it again from that moment."
"I do remember it," cried Emma; "I perfectly remember
it.-- Talking about spruce-beer.--Oh! yes--Mr. Knightley and I both
saying we liked it, and Mr. Elton's seeming resolved to learn to
like it too. I perfectly remember it.--Stop; Mr. Knightley was standing
just here, was not he? I have an idea he was standing just here."
"Ah! I do not know. I cannot recollect.--It is very odd, but
I cannot recollect.--Mr. Elton was sitting here, I remember, much
about where I am now."--
"Well, go on."
"Oh! that's all. I have nothing more to shew you, or to say--
except that I am now going to throw them both behind the fire,and
I wish you to see me do it."
"My poor dear Harriet! and have you actually found happiness
in treasuring up these things?"
"Yes, simpleton as I was!--but I am quite ashamed of it now,
and wish I could forget as easily as I can burn them. It was very
wrong of me, you know, to keep any remembrances, after he was married.
I knew it was--but had not resolution enough to part with them."
"But, Harriet, is it necessary to burn the court-plaister?--I
have not a word to say for the bit of old pencil, but the court-plaister
might be useful."
"I shall be happier to burn it," replied Harriet. "It
has a disagreeable look to me. I must get rid of every thing.--
There it goes, and there is an end, thank Heaven! of Mr. Elton."
"And when," thought Emma, "will there be a beginning
of Mr. Churchill?"
She had soon afterwards reason to believe that the beginning was
already made, and could not but hope that the gipsy, though she
had told no fortune, might be proved to have made Harriet's.--About
a fortnight after the alarm, they came to a sufficient explanation,
and quite undesignedly. Emma was not thinking of it at the moment,
which made the information she received more valuable. She merely
said, in the course of some trivial chat, "Well, Harriet, whenever
you marry I would advise you to do so and so"--and thought
no more of it, till after a minute's silence she heard Harriet say
in a very serious tone, "I shall never marry."
Emma then looked up, and immediately saw how it was; and after
a moment's debate, as to whether it should pass unnoticed or not,
replied,
"Never marry!--This is a new resolution."
"It is one that I shall never change, however."
After another short hesitation, "I hope it does not proceed
from-- I hope it is not in compliment to Mr. Elton?"
"Mr. Elton indeed!" cried Harriet indignantly.--"Oh!
no"--and Emma could just catch the words, "so superior
to Mr. Elton!"
She then took a longer time for consideration. Should she proceed
no farther?--should she let it pass, and seem to suspect nothing?--
Perhaps Harriet might think her cold or angry if she did; or perhaps
if she were totally silent, it might only drive Harriet into asking
her to hear too much; and against any thing like such an unreserve
as had been, such an open and frequent discussion of hopes and chances,
she was perfectly resolved.-- She believed it would be wiser for
her to say and know at once, all that she meant to say and know.
Plain dealing was always best. She had previously determined how
far she would proceed, on any application of the sort; and it would
be safer for both, to have the judicious law of her own brain laid
down with speed.-- She was decided, and thus spoke--
"Harriet, I will not affect to be in doubt of your meaning.
Your resolution, or rather your expectation of never marrying, results
from an idea that the person whom you might prefer, would be too
greatly your superior in situation to think of you. Is not it so?"
"Oh! Miss Woodhouse, believe me I have not the presumption
to suppose-- Indeed I am not so mad.--But it is a pleasure to me
to admire him at a distance--and to think of his infinite superiority
to all the rest of the world, with the gratitude, wonder, and veneration,
which are so proper, in me especially."
"I am not at all surprized at you, Harriet. The service he
rendered you was enough to warm your heart."
"Service! oh! it was such an inexpressible obligation!--The
very recollection of it, and all that I felt at the time-- when
I saw him coming--his noble look--and my wretchedness before. Such
a change! In one moment such a change! From perfect misery to perfect
happiness!"
"It is very natural. It is natural, and it is honourable.--
Yes, honourable, I think, to chuse so well and so gratefully.--
But that it will be a fortunate preference is more that I can promise.
I do not advise you to give way to it, Harriet. I do not by any
means engage for its being returned. Consider what you are about.
Perhaps it will be wisest in you to check your feelings while you
can: at any rate do not let them carry you far, unless you are persuaded
of his liking you. Be observant of him. Let his behaviour be the
guide of your sensations. I give you this caution now, because I
shall never speak to you again on the subject. I am determined against
all interference. Henceforward I know nothing of the matter. Let
no name ever pass our lips. We were very wrong before; we will be
cautious now.--He is your superior, no doubt, and there do seem
objections and obstacles of a very serious nature; but yet, Harriet,
more wonderful things have taken place, there have been matches
of greater disparity. But take care of yourself. I would not have
you too sanguine; though, however it may end, be assured your raising
your thoughts to him, is a mark of good taste which I shall always
know how to value."
Harriet kissed her hand in silent and submissive gratitude. Emma
was very decided in thinking such an attachment no bad thing for
her friend. Its tendency would be to raise and refine her mind--
and it must be saving her from the danger of degradation.
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